XoXo, Chan - Lo.

Chan-Lo Writes: Found this poem from 2011.  I must’ve been venting. Ha. Enjoy.

Single? Insert Shrug.

I AM beautiful.  I am special.  I am a woman filled with grace and motivation.

I AM all of the long legged, bright smiling, take you and hold an intelligent conversation kind of person I was raised to be.  I am all these things + more and yes, I am technically single.  Solitary, sole, lone, unattached.

They ask, “Why?”

The answer to that one question which seems to be looked at as a pitiful attempt to hide my burning desire to wed by my attached friends, is simple: Because I AM.

Let me explain…

You see, a good man needs a partner and I’m still in a solo mentality.  I find it funny that we (as in we women) always desire the best in who we meet yet, we refuse to see the sides of ourselves that aren’t as sweet…or complete.

A man needs a woman to take ownership of her womanhood and be every bit of as strong of a woman as she requires the man in him to be.

My man needs me to stand for something greater than myself, and know that I have a purpose.  Not just for our empire, but for the world.

He needs me to realize more than anything that our physical connection is surpassed by our spiritual.

He needs me to know that love is hard, love hurts, but allowing him to love my heart to the point that trust in him and trust in the God in him will outshine any other role in the he say/she say/they say triangle of trust breakers.

Most importantly, he needs me to be me and I need him to be him because loving the person under the disguise is never a sure thing…at least not for a lifetime.

If you’ll take a minute to notice the aforementioned aren’t wants, they’re needs.  My Daddy said, “When the needs of others outweigh the desires of self that’s when you’re ready.”

I am not ready.

So…I’m working on me because I’m woman enough to know that my one deserves more than the fruit I’ve begun to see…he deserves a whole tree.

While the allure of intimacy is enticing and altogether lovely, my quarter journey has taught me one thing more than anything else:

You can drink all you want and still remain thirsty.

See, the love I desire is the kind you hear in great songs.  The “Sunday Kind of Love” songs, the “…someone to set my heart free”, “First Time Ever I Saw Your Face”, “Tell Him” Lauryn Hill, kind of love songs.

I refuse to reside in an oasis and remain parched because I AM worth more than just a moment. Eternity is what I’m after.

My happy ending doesn’t end at the alter.

My happy ending does not consist of just a reception and a cake. 

My happy ending is knowing that who I AM is who he needs me to be because who I AM is so much better than who I am expected to be.

So, in short, the clock can continue to tick.  I’m not trippin on time.  My watch isn’t even in the same time-zone as the hour glass in the possession of my Master.  So, I wait.  I work on who I am and know, truly know, he is working on the same so that my “Me” and his “He” can ease into our “We.”

Don’t trip on the label.  I’m not.